The Nürburgring

Only months after my racing introduction at the Porsche Leipzig factory, I found myself once again behind the wheel of a race-ready torpedo blastpheming the environmental conscience I try so hard to achieve. Reducing my virtual water quota or using natural power was left in a cloud of carbon smoke and tire bits. Please evereyone raise their glass to the Earth; I promise to continue crusading tomorrow. Prosit!

The Nürburgring is a 22.8km / 12.9m racetrack that was carved thru forest paths. Those of you not from the Midwest should understand that the German terrain here has "elevation", and by that I mean the dips, bumps, drops and other general unevenness that remains when a glacier doesn't void the creativity Bob Ross loved to portray. Changing elevation sprinkled with 73 turns and topped with speed results in one gigantic roller coaster. Multiplying that by you as the passenger almost resulted in aborting what little I ate today. And to you Grand Turismo victors: of course you understand how being spanked feels when reading about it on wikipedia. Try the real thing.. I promise you won't forget it.

To top it off, today was more special than usual: a company named RTS reserved the entire Nürburgring. I'm told a normal race day sees 100 or so cars on the track. Today I don't recall seeing more than 20 cars on the track at any given time. A 13 mile track with maybe 20 cars produces few meet and greets amongst those 73 turns. But nothing felt better than being bitch-slapped by the Porsche GT2 and club Aston Martin Vanquish pushing an extra 30km/h thru those turns you're sliding thru. Try following either of those... I dare ya.

Pictures are on their way, as they are spread amongst variouos equipment - none of which is in my posession at the moment. Also, we have video! Take Dramamine before you watch it tho. With any luck, you'll not just see

our adventure but HEAR the beautiful sound of my patented Nürburgring slide.. followed by Victor's "NICE".

I don't usually dedicate things, but this one goes out to my racing Hardy Boy:

Jim, because I somehow channeled Jim's 16 year old insane driving persona, albeit on a world-famous race track, regained consciousness, and then started driving like a responsible adult..

America Day

Maybe this shouldn't be as amusing as it is....I mean, in America we take it for granted that even Wal-Mart sells specialties from all over the world. But over here in Germany, while European delicacies are abundant, those amazing American inventions like Pop Tarts and Velveeta are hard to come by.

In an effort to compensate, each year ALDI has an America Day where they sell everything worthy of putting an American flag on the package. Things like pancake mix, jelly beans, donut makers, hot dogs, and 2-buck-chuck from California. Nevermind the fact that I don't know anyone in the US with a donut making appliance, or that hot dogs aren't normally packed in a jar. It's still nice to know that those little things we took for granted are again at our fingertips once each year.

Here is the flyer from ALDI showcasing all that makes America great. Particularly funny to me are the tubes of swirled condiments; you can choose between ketchup & mustard, or ketchup & mayo. Why didn't we think of that first?

Børk! Børk! Børk!

We finally see what the Swedish Chef was babbling about all those years. Sweden is awesome!

Thanks to another cheap flight deal on TUIfly, Andy and I were able to hop on a plane to the Land of Vikings for a weekend trip to see our long-lost friend Therese. Let me tell you, it was a super fun to have a Swedish friend as a tour guide. She totally hooked us up and introduced us to all the best Swedish stuff....from Viking Museums to cheeses to the ever classic Swedish meatballs (which she made for us herself!).

The trip started with a yummy dinner at a very nice Swedish restaurant. I had some delicious, super-fresh fish, and Andy and Therese both got a kind of giant veal meatball served with berry sauce. Sooooo good. I still can't decide though if dinner or dessert was better....but maybe that's my sweet tooth talking.

The amazing dessert. Oh, and some crazy tourists that jumped into the picture...

The next day we let Therese catch up on sleep (she's a wild-and-crazy world traveling consultant) while we headed to see The Vasa. It's a super cool ship, all made out of beautifully carved black walnut and, with its size and grandeur, dwarfing all the tiny humans there to gaze upon it. Too bad The Vasa had a tragic fate; it sunk after just 20 minutes at sea. As our guide said, "In fact, this tour will last longer than The Vasa's maiden voyage." Indeed. After resting at sea for 333 years, the Vasa was resurfaced in the 60s, masterfully restored for the next 25 years or so, and then made into a museum. Apparently, the reason it sunk was simply that it didn't have a sufficient ballast (the rocks in the bottom of the ship used as a counterweight). So, it was top heavy and when a gust of wind caught its sails, it tipped over enough that the gun ports filled with water and....well....that was that.

Ships along the canal near Therese's place

Huge sunken treasure: The Vasa

After getting our fill of the giant war ship, we met up with Therese for a stroll through the city center and Stockholm's old town. Very nice. The city's buildings are really very pretty.

We decided to forego another restaurant meal for dinner, and instead opted to have a feast at Therese's place. Good choice! She picked out all sorts of wonderful things for us to sample...cheeses, meats, cured salmon with dill honey mustard, fruits, it was heaven. She even shared with us a very nice bottle of champagne that had been a birthday gift from her mom. It was seriously delicious.

Awesome Swedish feast at Therese's place

And the goodies continued, as the next morning Therese made us some Swedish waffles (yum!) and let us sample some cloudberry jam. Fat and happy, we headed over to the Toulouse-Lautrec exhibit, followed by a visit that afternoon to the History Museum. I tell you what, those vikings knew how to pillage. There is a huge gold collection there! We even got to see the 9,000-year-old skeleton of a 40-year-old woman who had given birth to 12 children! If that doesn't give insight into the strength of the vikings, I don't know what does.

Cool window at the Viking Museum....kind of looks like a Viking muppet

We're eager to have a chance to visit Sweden again, to explore the countryside, enjoy some more delicious foods, and sail along the coast in the bright sunshine, but until then, we'll just have to cook homemade meatballs as a memento. Børk! Børk! Børk!

Sprachen Espanien and Unravellin'

I break for spicy Spaniards.. Sorry kid.

Take life up a notch. Why set a rendezvous at the seedy diner on the other side of town when a weekend double-date in Barcelona is within your reach? That was our thought when close friends of ours were taking some time away from their studies to visit Scotland. Combined with the allure of the Sea (not to mention the sea-FOOD), the imaginative architectures of Antoni Gaudi, and possibly the largest open market in Europe, and I'd call that a pretty damn good date weekend. :)

Four days brought us to five Antoni Gaudi creations (La Padrera, the Segrada Familia yet-unfinished House of God, the school house, Park Guell, and a wicked-cool townhouse), a visit to the Port of Barcelona along the water front, Tapas galore, possibly 20 miles of good ole' walkin, four visits to that monster market called La Bocqueria, and just one afternoonish relaxing to catch our breaths. That break was nestled between a long city & garden walk, stumbling across a ginormous cultural market (not just stands.. we're talking tents with handmade textiles and diverse foods), but before heading out again for an evening Flamenco show at the local culture house. Actually "community" is more in order here, as it was a walled city converted into an artists community. Visiting these places with Rob and Jen made it all the more worthwhile, and we're secretly awaiting our next visit with them as it can only get better.

Together on the roof of Gaudi's La Padrera.. Camera thiefs can't run far on a roof..

I leave you with some pictures to give an idea of this adventure, but neither my writing nor pictures can give you a real idea of how awesome that weekend was.

Sure, sure, take all that fruit for granted.. wait.. are those gigantic freaking artichokes? Holy Jesus.

By the way, if you find yourself at an open market choosing between a fresh Blackberry drink and a coconut one, take my hint and avoid the one more likely to contain seeds.. and I do mean seeds.. possibly 10 tablespoons worth!

Port of Barcelona: We came, we saw, we were pooped on by seagulls (just kidding)

Not kidding about those seeds, kids. Reach for the Kiwi, at least the seeds are chewable.

From the Park Guell Lizard: See kids, Crayons ARE toxic.

Friendly Neighborhood

Is there really something soooooo out of the ordinary about having a guillotine in your garden? I mean, maybe it comes in handy. "Oh, you don't wanna help with the laundry? Well then, why don't we take a little walk outside..."

Charming Garden Guillotine spotted on a recent trip to Dubrovnik, Croatia

Quick! Follow that Gondola!

Tail that guy over there.. but don't be too ovious about it. Paddle! Faster!

Venice is less an island than a labrynth. Veer off the main "route" thru the island, and you're likely to find a nestled cafe or another arm of a minor canal - a Venitian's version of off-street gondolas parking. You'll find more doll-house bridges than imaginable pizza toppings (so, a lot). Adventure incarnate, with plenty of paths leading to gondola piers, empty squares, or church realty. This is my idea of a Spaghetti Island, the various alleys and roads criss-crossing and just about as thick as a noodle. And to boot, Gelato at every intersection. [Thanks to the large population of Italian immigrants in Germany, B's blessed with the possibility of Gelato almost everywhere in Stuttgart, too.] What, never heard of Spaghetti Ice Cream? Life doesn't get any better.

Bridge Number 77a. Notice its symmetric arch and 15th century wrought iron made from the shackles of various Guiseppis.

Most of our adventures are lightly vailed fronts for splurging on great food. This trip cost us a whopping 44 euro round trip (total; taxes incl.), which left a welcome remainder in our budget for incidentals. B does a great job of locating friendly and waaaaaaaay helpful places to stay each place we visit. Combined with online reviews and a general consideration of guide books, we've a killer Trifecta for sniffing out the right places to go. One of high esteem is a restaurant named BANCOGIRO, located on Piaza San Marco. We grabbed a few plates of Ciccheti (Italy's version of Tapas), a glass of local vino, and relaxed at a quiet table along the major Canal. It was awesome.

No Wireless, No Blackberry, No One Nearby (Literally), No Problem

If it's not on Piaza San Marco, your guidebook probably won't help you much here, which gives you the green for poking about at your own pace. Don't follow the crowds (there weren't any for us), and take the time to walk the spaghetti trail of Venice to sights like Rialto Bridge and the ecclectic area of Accademia. It's imperative that you carve out time to tour the Doge's Palace and certainly Basilica San Marco. Seeing the gold ceiling mosaic of Judas hanging from the tree brought me one step closer to God, even if I was motivated out of fear. Since moving to Europe I thought my palace cum museum quotient was about to explode, but both of these were oustanding. Print out RS' self-tour for a surprisingly interesting history lesson.

Cameras exist to take pictures of people taking pictures of themselves.

By roaming around we discovered a tiny church displaying an artist's small-scale reproduction of 30 or so of Leonardo da Vinci mechanical and wartime inventions. A bicycle with a wooden "chain", an automatron suit of armor, and an integrated mechanical system for pushing offensive ladders from the walls of cities / castles. I'm a huge fan of s'odraneoL imagination and creations, so it was surprising when B was essentially dragging *me* into the church. For the record I didn't want to pay the 12 euro entrance fee for something I'm already an expert on.. having a wild imagination and a knack for natural systems. heh, heh. We couldn't get enough of the attack ship with mammoth scythe mounted on the front, btw. Just classic. It deserves both captions.

Whether it's a Steamboat or a Schooner, adding a Scythe makes everything nice.
It's all fun and games until someone pulls out a Scythe. And cuts a hole into your ship.

Warning: south park reference. Awesom-O never had a chance.

Break from the big sights and use any remaining energy to dip into the many local shops. We visited just after the close of Carnival, and mask shops were still packed with warez galore. In typical fashion I picked out the most under-rated item in the shop, a sexy circa-20's veiled ladyface framed by feathers, which B quickly decided was her best find ever. :) After an artful bargain with the maker it found its way back to our home. I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge that this mask will scare the living hell out of any child, which is either the real reason I bought it or a very solid plus. I'm looking forward to mounting it in my future quiet place.

Elegance + Moderate Creepiness = Monster Under My Bed

Last but not least, we were lucky to spend one night around town with our friends Marilee and Adam, soon to be Legislative Masters of the Universe. The fact that we both found ourselves in Venice at the same time completely by chance just proves how small this rock really is. Until next time.....

I Heart German Design

Surely you are all aware that Germany prides itself in creating beautiful design. One look at a Porsche, Audi, Mercedes, or BMW should tell you that. The really great thing, for me, is that this design is not just limited to big companies and industrial applications. No, this design overflows into the public sector, infusing kitchen gadgets, office supplies, and home furnishings with fun features and cool colors. Furnishing a home in Germany (or really anywhere in Europe) is fulfilling a childhood dream of surrounding yourself with "gadgets".

I thought I would show you some of my recent purchases, to inspire you in your quest for fun things. A lot of these items were found at local shops or online at design3000.de, my new favorite site for internet browsing. I'm not sure if they ship to the US, but for those of you that know me well, I can always be persuaded to "import" something for you on my next visit home. :)

The Clarktoberfest Gallery of Fun Design, Volume 1

"Lucky" Monitor Cleaner by Koziol

I gave this monitor cleaner, aptly called "Lucky", to my cousin for Christmas. Isn't it so fun? First of all, monitor cleaners are useful because your monitor always gets dusty, and no one ever cleans them because it's boring to do, right? Well, this little guy lovingly licks your monitor clean with his microfiber tongue. Plus, his tongue is shaped such that it can "hook" onto the top of a flap panel or laptop monitor. Genius.

"Emma" Orange Peeler by Koziol

This is another Koziol product that is adorable (I really like Koziol stuff). It's an orange peeler shaped like a snail. You loop your finger through its "shell", use the little triangular piece to pierce the rind of the orange, and then glide it across the fruit until you've got it ready for easy peelin'. In addition to the advantage of avoiding turning your fingernails yellow, you get the added bonus of feeling like a kid when using it.

Bandit Letter Opener by Indigo Design Group

This was also a Christmas gift to one of my cousins. Sure to amuse your clients and brighten up your work space. Everyone should have a lawless rebel slashing open their bank statements. The world would be a better place.

Kitchen Scale by Tchibo

Maybe not everyone will appreciate this, because the US uses mostly volume for measurements in cooking, but here in Deutschland everything is by weight. Having a kitchen scale is very important. And if it's not cute, is it really worth buying? This one I love, because it's cute and red, and because of the well-designed bowl...right-side-up it's a bowl, upside-down it fits over the scale to minimize space. Looooove it.

And finally, our most recent and prized purchase, the "Ray!" nutcracker (as in HooRay!):

Ray! Nutcracker by Troika

How great is this? You place a nut inside, pull it back inside the balloon, let go...the nut flies into a steel plate with such impact that it explodes the shell (with a satisfying bang!, I might add) and leaves you with a ready-to-eat nut. When has eating nuts ever been this much fun?

Happy New Year!

I trust you all had a nice, relaxing, fun-filled holiday as we did. :)

In the spirit of the new year, I am going to help you all with what I'm sure is a new year's resolution: improving your geography skills. I must admit, my prowess in this area is nonexistent. In the past, I've been known to require three guesses to pinpoint Connecticut on a map. It's not my fault! Those wooden puzzles of the states always just lumped the NE into one puzzle piece!

Anyway, all of that will soon be behind me, now that I've found the most addictive, infuriating, self-deprecating geography quiz out there. Did I mention addictive? We play it all the time! Just to have it show us over and over again how little we really know about the world. Ah, but each time I'm learning and am convinced that someday I'll be able to get through all 12 levels, instead of just the first 7.

You've got to try it. It's my gift to you. Enjoy!